I went to the doctor yesterday to get my yearly pelvic exam. I had to step on the scales there, 212!! Those scales are probaly accurate. I don't want to weight over 200lbs, so I need to do something NOW! Here I sit with my first Diet Sunkist of the day, I am sure that many will follow. Maybe today I can make a pitcher of Iced Tea. At least it is decaf, but I think the sweetener is the problem. It makes me hungry. I wonder if I went back to sugar like we had back in the olden days if it would create hunger. We have so many additives to our food now it is no wonder everyone has cancer and everyone is obese.
I see myself continuing to grow. I even shop that way knowing to buy big because I am going to need it. I am really depressed and I am ashamed of being depressed because I have a dream life. I am so lucky why would I do this to myself. I really think I need to go back to work but I don't think I will. I miss interacting with people. I am lonely. I am reliving my life with Frank in writing my blog. It is good to see how far I have come.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday
I know without a doubt I am addicted to Diet Sunkist...It is like being an alcoholic. I feel myself taking swigs of it and rolling it in my mouth like it is a fine wine or something. I have been watching TV a lot so I see tons of weight loss commercials. yet none of them appeal to me. I know that any diet you start the minute you stop it all comes back with more! I know that all I need to do is cut back and start moving. Now I am an intelligent person so why don't I just do it? I break so many promises to myself, I don't know why I even try.
I just keep growing. Why can't you get to a certain weight and then just maintain it? Why is it such a struggle? I know other people in my life that don't seem to struggle with food. How do they do it? Is this my cross to bear? If I could stay healthy I would be okay with it but I won't be healthy long at this rate.
I hate feeling this way. I hate getting up in the morning with nothing to do. I hate going to bed at night knowing that tomorrow will be just like yesterday. I hate whining because most people would kill to have my life.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I just keep growing. Why can't you get to a certain weight and then just maintain it? Why is it such a struggle? I know other people in my life that don't seem to struggle with food. How do they do it? Is this my cross to bear? If I could stay healthy I would be okay with it but I won't be healthy long at this rate.
I hate feeling this way. I hate getting up in the morning with nothing to do. I hate going to bed at night knowing that tomorrow will be just like yesterday. I hate whining because most people would kill to have my life.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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